The first time I went out after that incident was on Valentine's day, 2017. We were at office and Alka, Bhawna and I decided not to spend the evening at home. We dressed up (like always!), called Manu (again, like always!) and there we were, sitting in the fancy restaurant - Soho St. in Kormangala. There were couples all around and we laughed at ourselves thinking about our situation on Valentine's day. Nevertheless, we took the buffet and were hogging on almost everything at the table. I wanted to be happy and not think about anything else, but food. Somehow, I could not. I imagined sitting at Zaitoon with a sizzling brownie topped with vanilla ice-cream and a pretty pretty face, beaming with happiness, full of glee, full of life.
Have you ever felt a lump in your throat? That lump, which you cannot swallow, nor throw out. The lump that is a constant reminder about the newly created vacuum. The lump that nobody can see or feel. The lump that you do not know to express in words. The feeling that you are tired of and want to get rid of, but you cannot because of the stupid freaking lump! I remember our conversation. After the ice-cream was served at our table, I was waiting for her reaction. The chocolate was provided separately. As soon as I poured the chocolate on the sizzling brownie, I could see her being in awe! She was still wondering what was going on. She was amazed at how they could get a hot plate on the table. It was like nothing she had ever thought of in her entire life. I could sense her happiness in my heart and feel a sense of accomplishment. The feeling that I had not felt even when I earned my first month salary, or when I got my job. All my achievements was worth it because of the laughter and the joy on her face. She said it was the best ice-cream she ever had. I have never had another sizzling brownie.
I happen to be the center of her universe, much like my name! I am the pupil of her eyes and so is she, mine. I have been caressed on my forehead in the mornings and blessed after every chant. I have felt unconditional love, seen God and slept in her arms. I have no complaints as such, just a spoonful of reproach for that lump, that kambakkht lump! Oh how I wish it was gone!
