Once Again, maybe!

Until what age is somebody supposed to fall in love? You'd say, there's no limit. Of course, there is none. But, ask yourself once, would you still say it if the person was somebody from your family? Say, either of your parents fell in love with somebody else. Freaking out right now, aren't you? Would you be hurt? Would you be tensed about what the society might say? Would you be worried about how your extended family will react in family gatherings? Would YOU approve of it? Would you  consider yourself absolutely necessary to have a say in your parents' life decisions? Or, judge them for their decisions? Think about it.

If I could, I would ask Kanwal Sethi about the ending of his film, 'Once Again'. What made him believe that he could just break all stereotypes! How could he narrate how a middle-aged woman goes out of her way and talks to a man (not her husband) every night on the phone. How could he do this! It is so irresponsible of him to not judge the woman and the man and just narrate their story!

Isn't she supposed to take care of her kids and live her life by herself, mourning her dead husband! And isn't the man, being a film star, supposed to suppress his desires of a normal person and prevent himself from being seen with a woman who is not her wife! She doesn't try to hide it when her kids confront her. She isn't the conventional woman who let's her ego stop her from being the first one to call him after being introduced as just 'the cook' in front of strangers. She doesn't cry out of guilt of having loved another man, rather she tries to reason it out with her daughter. 

And the daughter, oh my my!! She has the audacity of supporting her mother in her decisions. When the man expresses how much he wants to be with her and not hide any more out of the fear of being scandalized, she tells him that she cannot 'do this anymore'. The celebration of her son's wedding keep going at its normal pace. They get married like normal people. That could've been the end, just like any other movie.

Most movies nowadays bring us back to reality. They show us how it generally is and that every thing in life is not a fairy tale. This was not how it used to be before, at least most of the times. They show us that everything cannot have a happy ending. We have to keep our feet grounded. At this point of time, the director takes us on a different roll. The woman is looking out from the boat, probably introspecting into her actions. Looking into the bright sunshine, the man caressing her bangles, travelling on the sea. The lady had once said that she likes hills more, because she's scared of the sea. When the man asks her about her fear, she says, "Not anymore".

Whoever said, love is unconditional and knows no bounds, lied. They lied on your face, because love is not unconditional. It comes with the condition of being cared for, respected for and being loved back for. It knows its bounds, it knows that you cannot not see or not hear what the society has to say or even your family. But, in 'Once Again', well, it has broken every bound possible. It has for once deepened my belief in love in all its forms. If I said thank you Kanwal Sethi for making this piece of art, I'd not be able to express how grateful I am, as an audience. If someone questioned my opinion about love not being unconditional, I'd say, 'well, not anymore'.

The Other Side

It is so irritating when as young kids our parents tell us, “You are too young to understand such stuff. Grow up and then you can give your opinion and decide for yourself.” At that moment, we start thinking, When shall I grow up and do the stuff that I like? I am just waiting for that day when I will earn for myself and then I can spend all I want. I can go wherever I wish to. Nobody will call me a kid. I will be an ‘adult’. And then, some 12 years later, when you are an adult, you wish to be that kid again and wonder whether you were hoping for such adulthood where you are constantly worried about stuff. Stuff like, saving money for the future, investing enough amounts to cater to emergencies at home or trying to figure out life.

27th Birthday 

It has suddenly dawned upon me that I will be 30 soon and in no time, I will be forty and even then, I will have a hundred things that I had planned but could never make time for and you suddenly start asking yourself philosophical questions like, “What have I been doing all these years? When did all the time just fly without my notice?” Then you start conversing with yourself regarding the stuff that you can do in a year and make up for all that you haven’t done. Then comes a moment when you realise that you might be turning into one of those crazy soliloquists. More and more introspection leaves you in utter discomfort, the discomfort that is like the freckle on your check, the unending part of your back that keeps on getting all scratchy and no matter how hard you try, you just cannot reach that part of your back.

Halfway across the path form 25 to 30, it has dawned on me that you have to learn to live with the scratch, consider the freckle as your beauty spot and smile your way across the dangling bridge. You have to understand that the moment you cross this bridge, there's another bridge around the next corner of the valley called life. All that you can do is enjoy the ride, oops, I meant the walk; ensure that you have slippers on, if not mountain boots to protect you against the stones, an umbrella to save you from the scorching heat or the rains and a ton load of will-power to strive through the journey.

The Brownie Lump!

The first time I went out after that incident was on Valentine's day, 2017. We were at office and Alka, Bhawna and I decided not to spend the evening at home. We dressed up (like always!), called Manu (again, like always!) and there we were, sitting in the fancy restaurant - Soho St. in Kormangala. There were couples all around and we laughed at ourselves thinking about our situation on Valentine's day. Nevertheless, we took the buffet and were hogging on almost everything at the table. I wanted to be happy and not think about anything else, but food. Somehow, I could not. I imagined sitting at Zaitoon with a sizzling brownie topped with vanilla ice-cream and a pretty pretty face, beaming with happiness, full of glee, full of life. 

Have you ever felt a lump in your throat? That lump, which you cannot swallow, nor throw out. The lump that is a constant reminder about the newly created vacuum. The lump that nobody can see or feel. The lump that you do not know to express in words. The feeling that you are tired of and want to get rid of, but you cannot because of the stupid freaking lump! I remember our conversation. After the ice-cream was served at our table, I was waiting for her reaction. The chocolate was provided separately. As soon as I poured the chocolate on the sizzling brownie, I could see her being in awe! She was still wondering what was going on. She was amazed at how they could get a hot plate on the table. It was like nothing she had ever thought of in her entire life. I could sense her happiness in my heart and feel a sense of accomplishment. The feeling that I had not felt even when I earned my first month salary, or when I got my job. All my achievements was worth it because of the laughter and the joy on her face. She said it was the best ice-cream she ever had. I have never had another sizzling brownie.

I happen to be the center of her universe, much like my name! I am the pupil of her eyes and so is she, mine. I have been caressed on my forehead in the mornings and blessed after every chant. I have felt unconditional love, seen God and slept in her arms. I have no complaints as such, just a spoonful of reproach for that lump, that kambakkht lump! Oh how I wish it was gone!

Failed and Failed Again!

'Hichki ' and 'Muramba' - two movies.. completely unrelated in the story, execution and content, yet so similar on its thought process, on its articulation of the premise and so heart touching that even after weeks , I still think about them with some warmth in my heart.

A girl, who has always being thought too little of by her father, suffers from a syndrome that rarely anybody knows about, 'Tourette' it is. She learns to deal with it and doesn't think about it as a big deal. She's academically very strong. She wants nothing but a job, just like anybody else but nobody agrees to even give her a chance. When someone does give her a chance at her childhood school, she realizes that it was because no one else agreed to take the job. She turns things around and everything turns out to be good again!

A little boy, who has always been one of the best in school, aced his class in his MBA, landed an internship at Boston and yet had no steady job, nor an income, nor a plan for his life. He and his girlfriend, whom he has known his entire life are set to get engaged in a month. His girlfriend is a hard-working lady, who is focused, trying to keep up with everything that's normal. And then, there it comes - they break up. The sole reason was because the boy was not doing what he was capable of. When confronted, he asks her to not meddle into his life decisions and he will do what he deems fit. After a day-long break up, he has a revelation and for the first time in his life, he says things that he had never imagined. He bared his heart open and said things that I could never have imagined telling anybody. They patch up and live happily ever after.

 What struck me most and has been lingering on in my mind is the dialogue between the couple when he talks about his thoughts and his fears. The fear of not being able to live up to the standards you have set for yourself, the fear of frowns and pity, the fear of having to scrounge if nothing ever works out, the fear of failure. The girl says, "You don't have to be strong always. Sometimes I will be strong for you, sometimes you have to be strong for me." And then, they accept each other's weakness, openly. I hope, life was as simple as this. Someone might argue as well that life is actually simple and that there's a right time for everything. And maybe, that is true. The thing is unless you get into the shoes of the other person, you don't really know what is going on in his/her mind. Our minds are wired in such a way that only the engineer called God can maybe understand a bit. And we, the mere mortal creatures are so wound up in our own thoughts that after a certain point you seek the help of the Almighty to differentiate between the right and the wrong.