It does not occur everyday when a conversation over a chat makes you realise something big about life. I have a friend who is younger than me in age but much wiser intellectually. He might not agree with me and will be a bit embarrassed when he sees this but I guess, he can live with it. He knows how much I admire him.
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| Strong in the Wind |
It so happened that I have lost a dear one recently and I was struggling to move ahead. However, as life demands,'the show must go on', and so should life. A day after I joined office back from home, he asked me how I was doing. I said, " I am doing fine. Thank You." He said, "W
ow, complete with full stop as well". We generally do not talk this way. Just because I was so much exhausted of answering how I was holding up and how I were, I decided to answer the 'How are you doing' question in an answer which will not entail further questions. I asked him about his work. We work in the same organisation but in different offices. He asked me how things were in my office. I said that my work was like it always is. Getting the cue, he said that what we gain from our work is the time outside office, which by the way, is ample time to do the stuff that we actually want to do, maybe pursue a hobby, meet up with friends, go for a movie or just some me-time. The next thing that he said was and I quote, "It would be quite tragic if you landed your dream job in the first attempt. What will you have to look forward for then?" I said that my dream job is not a very feasible one and his answer was, "The catch is, there will always be a Utopian place where the grass is greener. If you are in search of it, you will lose sight of the very thing you are looking for"
"So, what should a person do? Just dream of the 'dream job' and never look for it?"
" This thing you call a 'dream job', the thing that no one will give you. I understand what you are talking about because I have the exact same feeling about what I want to do"
"So, how do you cope with it? Doesn't it feel as if the years are just passing by and someday you might just die, having no contribution whatsoever?"
"So, let me put it this way. This is straight from the mouth of Lord Buddha. So, I will not claim credit for it. The first thing to realise is that "NOW" is the only moment that will ever be. There won't be anything else that belongs to you, ever. Whether you are the happiest person on Earth or the unhappiest. Realize it with every bone and every muscle in your body, with every drop of your consciousness."
I was still trying to get the grab of it.
I said, "What I gather from it is that I should make the most of "NOW" and not think or wonder about the future."
He said that I was getting the whole thing wrong.
He kept on saying, "Imagine you are stuck in one big 'Shawshank' that is life. How do you escape ? Do you get a bulldozer and smash everyone through and kill all the guards ? Or do you dedicate each day for yourself, working towards your dream?"
He continued, "The most difficult thing is to keep out thoughts about the future, about what will happen if it never works out."
When I told him about my dream about my future and that I did not have the necessary resources for it, he said, "Sometimes, the indicator for that is very simple. what can I do today to contribute towards fulfilling my dream someday? Simple. Do something that makes you happy today. And in this context, it is very very important to distinguish happiness from comfort. If you sit on a couch and watch TV all day, you will be comfortable, not happy. "
I liked the analogy quite a bit.
I said, "Being unhappy makes me very, very uncomfortable."
The next thing that he said gave me hope for a better day. He said, "If you can do something that makes you happy today, and then tomorrow, and then the day after, chances are you are doing well in life." I tried to think whether I did something everyday that made me happy. I realised I was doing so.
He continued, "Quoting yet another genius in Confucius.'It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.' Somehow I have this feeling, that if we are patient enough to see it, this world that are living in is too wonderfully magical." I said that I have always believed in the same philosophy and that only recently I have seen a difficult part of life.
"If you did not have this onslaught of cracks, would you have taken a fresh look at your priorities, about what 'you' want, about how you can treat yourself better. Again, quote number 3 from a wise person 'Treat yourself just as you would treat your best friend and life will open you up to feelings you have never felt before.' Just imagine you dearest friend was coming and telling you all of this and being so sad and lost. What would you do?" For a moment I wondered what I would do and told him, "I would've given her an hour long lecture of all the good things she has in life and how worse it could be, but it isn't. " he said that I would turn the world upside down just to make my friend happy. He also said, "Of course things could be worse. You may reincarnate as Donald Trump, but it would not at all help you feel better. Avoid 'how worse could it be'. Stay away from it. At the end of the day, think of life as working for a big big boss called God. If you want promotion, you don't go into his ears and scream about it. Rather, you show him why you deserve it."
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| The silver lining |
When I started pondering over his words, I realised the depth of it all. He said, "Try not to overwhelm yourself with plans for the next 30 years. Even with all the day to day thing, there will come a point in the future one day when you have to take a leap (there is no other way than a leap). But so long as you are happy all the way through, you will know when that leap should be."
His closing statement for the conversation was, "In such phases, always remember, like a Liverpool fan.'You'll Never Walk Alone.' "
And then, there was the smile on my face I had been missing for days and the warmth of friendship.
P.S. This note is for the friend. If you are reading this, know that I have a copy of our conversation and maybe I'll get it framed.
